i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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