Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
