we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
