Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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