He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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