they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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