Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
