We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
