Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
