You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
