I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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