I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
