A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
