I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
