Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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