I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize