i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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