R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
