I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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