I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize