you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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