JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
