she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
