Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
