I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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