her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
