I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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