yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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