When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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