I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The uberlube is also flammable
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
