:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
