so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
