I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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