yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
