New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
