i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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