so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You took a bar mat shot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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