eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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