It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
