i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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