I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
