I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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