He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
