Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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