just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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