I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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