Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
