I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
