On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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