READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
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I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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