I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize