My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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