***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
