Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
