Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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