i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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