he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
