i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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