And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
sarcasm needs its own font
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
