you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
