I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
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I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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