So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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