It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dear god my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
