Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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