From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
