I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
