Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
