K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
