I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we have pet lesbian snakes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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