my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
